everything and nothing

We are everything, and we are nothing. Incredible, really. This always struck me as inspiring, the idea that the entire universe was within us. And of course the humbling part of also being nothing, like the insignificant flesh and bones that we are, tiny in the grand scheme of the universe.

But recently, something came over me like a fog, putting me in a state of confusion. Unsure of who I was, leading me to search for how I should feel and act in the current situation, which made me feel even more distant. It’s like a quote I heard today from Alan Watts, that the more genuine we try to be, the faker we become.

Wanting desperately to feel like myself again, I tried all my supplements and regimens, but nothing seemed to do the trick, except perhaps time. Then just now, this quote landed in my thoughts. We are everything, and nothing. If life feels wonderful sometimes, that we’re on our game and can do anything, then perhaps it should feel horrible at times too, to really give us that feeling of being nothing.

One might expect it when stuff hits the fan in our life, but for me, it just happened while things were going swimmingly. Perhaps I’ve been careful not to make any big mistakes, handling them before they grew, or just not taking any risks, tragically. But I couldn’t avoid what was coming to me. I needed to feel like nothing. I needed to be humbled, to have the virtue of humility driven straight into my being with no warning. Sitting here on my website talking as if I have life figured out. To the feeling that I can’t say anything to anyone that would give any benefit to their ears.

So I surrender. Fighting so hard to retain what I was, which was something, I forgot that I am everything, and nothing. And so, it must be OK, maybe even necessary to feel like this. Perhaps just admitting and recognizing that we are nothing, can release us from the attachment to our old self, and the suffering it entails (I’ll have to let you know if it does). And then, we can build something new.

Seeing the graded soil draws inspiration for new construction. Flattened land just waiting for a fresh foundation. And if we like, we can rebuild the same structure that fell. After all, we are the designer, architect, builder, and occupant, and can easily duplicate it. But maybe this time we’ll add in that sunroom or secret passageway.

So maybe life isn’t about building the tallest skyscraper from the time we were born until we die. Maybe it’s about becoming a master builder, creating structures until they collapse, and just starting anew. So don’t worry, it’s not you who was lost when the building fell. You were the builder all along.